“The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care”

It’s days like this that I realise how assimilated I’ve become into the vagaries of everyday life; how average I am in so many ways, without even realising it. I’m an office monkey, dear reader. I have become so.

My day begins with a cattle-truck-esque wait-and-squeeze onto an over-warm tube train, then shuffling as if manacled through the white depths of Holborn Station. As I emerge into the cold air of Kingsway I’m imaging that my fifteen-minutes-each-way is probably enough exercise to keep me healthy, provided I don’t take into account the snacks and toast and tea and coffee that pass my way in the course of a day.

At work I’m sat staring lazily at a large screen, like Mr Incredible behind the wheel of his car: an incongrous affair, out of place, located at random. And there I sit, and an intellect that I’ve let moulder is fully focused on getting the most efficient use out of Windows’ keyboard shortcuts. Repeat after me, Ctrl-C, alt-Tab, alt-F, Ctrl-V, Enter, Ctrl-V. 

I divide my time between Wikipedia for work purposes, and the run through the usual: what can I find on YouTube, what’s Kryten up to, read some de-formatted blogs, read some comics, dream about going on holiday again, et cetera ad infinitum.

It’s not that I’m unhappy, you understand. It’s just that when I’m stood in a queue around the ENTIRE SHOP in Tescos on the Strand, buying the exact same office staples as everyone else (tea, bagels), I understand that in the grand scheme of things, no matter what I think, I’m no different to anyone else.

So: the resistance starts here, in a very lacklustre fashion at least. I’m getting up to two full journeys a day match fitness on my bike asap. I’m contacting Queen Marys about whether I’ll have to pay ELQ fees next year. I’m writing my UCAS personal statement, and checking alternatives (MAs, vocational qualifications, part time courses…). And in a rare turn of events for HE administrative staff in this country: I’m going to go out and do the best job that I can, enough to make sure my employers pine for me when I’m gone. 

That’s if I can just work up some energy…

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