Twitter > Facebook > MySpace

Facebook. Wasn’t that great? For about five minutes there everyone knew where I lived, where I’d been on holiday, what my hair looked like on that night out, who my friends were/are, how good I wasn’t at poker, and how I respond to being poked. If you know me at all, you might know that my reaction to being poked is inconsistent, at best. But isn’t it clever? Now I’m a part of this globe-spanning network where everybody knows too much about me and where I can’t get away if I try. There’s a stack of people that wouldn’t ever bother speaking to me were it not for facebook (a stack might be being a little generous to myself, but you understand my point), and so I’d have to find new ways to interact and stay in touch with these life-marginals.

Which is hard, for boys. I’m really bad at staying in touch with people – I don’t like phoning people (they might be busy!) and I don’t really like it when people phone me. Email is fine: if you’re in email contact with someone, you know them enough to want to talk to them – generally speaking – plus one has time to construct an appropriate response. No problem. But Facebook has descended into a cavalcade of inanity and as it’s gotten more and more ubiquitous, the less and less appealing it is.

I would be lying if I said I have no misanthropic tendencies at all (I am my father’s son) but I’m not that bad. I just don’t want anybody talking to me. I don’t care what the people I avoided speaking to at school are doing in Portsmouth (they’re all in Portsmouth…). I don’t care what Kevin in the year above is doing, who once threw a sesame snap at me and whose stock insult was to call me a virgin (at age 13), is doing now. I’m not the least bit interested what Ruth, whose social status was on a par with every single cast member of Dawson’s Creek, is doing with whom. My life’s moved on.

Nor am I really interested enough to look at people’s photos, or to see what lolcat they’ve clipped. Yet the certain people with whom I wish to retain a link? They seem to be only willing to communicate via Facebook. The social networking revolution isn’t really working for me: 2.0 is fine, contributing is nice. But you there, from school: don’t talk to me.

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