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Lahndan votes

Red Ken was in town last night, at the Wood Green Caribbean Centre. Satisfyingly, he described the prospect of living through Boris’ reign as like experiencing the Black Death. It’s so rare that politicians are in the least outspoken these days, that the newty one is kind of lovable for it.

Actually, it seems to be a linking factor that London requires a mayor who’s not afraid to make ridiculous pronunciations. So while Brian Paddick is no doubt eminently qualified for the post, he’s not going to get in because he doesn’t make sweeping accusations like Ken, and doesn’t make hilarious gaffes like Boris.

Which is a little depressing. I’ve not decided who I’ll vote for, or if I’ll be voting. It won’t be an apathetic thing if I don’t, more a principled rejection of all the candidates. Probably I’ll end up with Ken, which is fine – the guy’s a little bit skank, but he’s a considerably less inept evil than BJ.

So: the candidates.

Richard Barnbrook, BNP

Richard Barnbrook, BNP: “Remember London the way it used to be? Clean, friendly and safe.” No, do you? I doubt it. I don’t believe it to ever have really been any of these things. “Because it’s not racist to oppose mass immigration and political correctness – it’s commonsense.” Repellent.




Gerard Batten, UKIPGerard Batten, UKIP: only half a step above BNP is this bus-top, flag-waving buffoon. “NO to mass immigration; NO to the Lisbon Treaty/European Constitution; NO to the European Union.” Typical: blame the Portuguese.





Sian Berry, GreenSian Berry, Green: the first of the serious candidates, and one I haven’t, as yet, given a great deal of time of day to. But, I may have been wrong in this. While Berry has to be considered an extreme outside shot, her policies are very fair, very green (obviously), but more liberal than the LibDem’s these days. As politics moves further towards the American model where the centre ground is really centre-right, these are good old-fashioned liberal, politely socialist . I like the small business helps, the affordable housing rules, and the free insulation, although I’m not wild about 20mph zones everywhere. I don’t doubt they’re a good idea, but I want to be able to speed my souped up Renault 5 from speed hump to speed hump without worrying about speed limits, thanks.

Alan Craig, Christian Choice

Alan Craig, Christian Choice: Despite talking like a muppet recorded backwards, I quite like this chap. I saw the one and only party political broadcast I’ve seen the other day, and this man, accompanied by his bouncy purple ball, fit the bill of outspoken, principled, straight-ahead feller far better than Ken or Boris. I’m not sure how workable his policies are, or whether campaigning against a mega-mosque will hinder rather than help community tensions, but I like his Len Goodman smiley face.


 Lindsey German, Left List
Lindsey German, Left List: the rancourous breakdown of Respect continues with Lindsey German (“just 0.43% short of a seat in the London Assembly”) representing a breakaway faction. With Galloway busy mimicing cats and ducking bouncy balls, Lindsey has jumped into a manifesto that would make Tony Benn look like Robert Kilroy-Silk.




Boris Johnson, ConservativeBoris Johnson, Conservative: on no planet is this man qualified to run a city.






Ken Livingston, LabourKen Livingstone, Labour: for years one of the only politicians that looked like they genuinely cared about their job and weren’t doing it for their own benefit, and one of the few that have made lasting policies that stuck. Ken ticks the right boxes, has a proven record and basically doesn’t care what you think, he knows what’s right.


Matt O'Connor, English Democrats

Matt O’Connor, English Democrats: cleverly employing the both-right-and-left-at-the-same-time party name last seen in the National Socialist Party, this hairdresser-esque, scary scary man appears to have no discernable policies. just an incoherent, tabloid-boldface-laden rant against those Scottish thieves that are taking our prescriptions.




Brian Paddick, Liberal Democrat

Brian Paddick, Liberal Democrat: Finally, bringing with him the receding grey of a former footballer, Paddick is putting a recognisable (ish) face on the LibDem’s again, after too many years of non-alcoholic-ginger-soaked greyness. He’s also taking the party in a police state direction, a notable departure and not necessarily a welcome one. I’ve always voted LD, but I don’t think I’ll be voting for Padders. Saying that, I voted for the hilariously-rumbled Mark Oaten, so what do I know?


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